Category: Blog

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Reflections, Relationships, Writing Prompts

Inkrement #21 – A Playlist for the Love I Desire

Posted on by T.L. Minor

Writing Prompt: Create a playlist of songs that capture the essence of the relationship you desire. Write a reflection on each song, explaining why it resonates with your vision.
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“Knock You Down” by Keri Hilson, Ne-yo & Kanye West
 
Love has the power to knock us down, to make us feel vulnerable and exposed. It’s in those moments of raw emotion that true connection is forged. I crave a love that has the strength to touch my soul, to make me feel alive and understood. “Knock You Down” reminds me that the depth of emotions that love can evoke is what truly makes a relationship extraordinary.

But it’s not just about the intensity of emotions; it’s about resilience and support. Life is full of challenges, and relationships are no exception. The song reminds me that even in the face of adversity, love can be a beacon of strength, pushing us to rise above our struggles. I long for a partner who will stand by my side, offering unwavering support and encouragement as we navigate life’s ups and downs together. The idea that love can empower us to overcome obstacles and thrive is at the heart of the relationship I desire.

“Knock You Down” emphasizes the importance of mutual admiration. It’s not just about being infatuated with someone; it’s about truly seeing and appreciating them for who they are. I crave a love where there’s a profound respect for each other’s individuality and a genuine admiration for the qualities that make us unique. I want a partner who recognizes my strengths, lifts me up, and inspires me to become the best version of myself.

I think what I appreciate most about this song is its realistic portrayal of love. It acknowledges that relationships aren’t always smooth sailing. They have their share of challenges and complexities. But through it all, love remains a driving force, compelling us to keep going. I desire a love that is authentic, one that recognizes the imperfections and embraces the journey with all its ups and downs. Because it’s in the imperfect moments that we find the most beautiful and genuine connections.

“After All Is Said & Done” by Beyonce & Marc Nelson

When I listen to this song, I can’t help but feel this incredible connection to the lyrics. It’s like they were written specifically for the kind of love I yearn for. It delves into the depths of love, acknowledging that it’s not always a smooth ride. It captures the complexities and challenges that couples may face, which is so important to me. I believe that true love isn’t always easy, but it’s worth fighting for.

You see, this song embodies the essence of my ideal relationship. It acknowledges that there will be hardships, tears, and even moments where forgiveness seems impossible. But through it all, there’s an unwavering commitment to stand by each other. That’s the kind of love I desire – a love that’s strong enough to weather any storm that comes our way.

One of the lyrics that resonates deeply with me is when they sing, “I’ll never be afraid to say I need you.” It’s a beautiful expression of vulnerability and emotional openness, something I believe is crucial in a relationship. I want a love where I can be my authentic self and not be afraid to admit when I need my partner by my side. That level of trust and communication is what builds a strong foundation.

“You & I” – John Legend 

When I listen to “You and I,” it’s like John Legend reached into my soul and plucked out my deepest desires. This song speaks to the core of what I long for in a relationship. It’s all about that unbreakable bond. The kind that withstands the storms, the heartaches, and all the twists and turns life throws at you.

“You and I” celebrates the strength of love, the kind that makes you feel invincible. It’s like finding that person who becomes your rock, your sanctuary, and your safe haven. It’s that profound sense of devotion and support, the feeling that no matter what, they’ll always be there for you. That’s the kind of love I crave, the kind that builds you up and helps you conquer your fears.

But what I love most about this song is how it speaks to real-life experiences. It captures those moments that we’ve all longed for—the desire for a love that lasts, that stands the test of time. It’s like it’s saying, “Hey, love is worth fighting for, and it’s possible to find that deep connection with someone special.”

And you know what else? It reminds us that when life throws its curveballs, we don’t have to face them alone. “You and I” emphasizes the beauty of two individuals joining forces, standing shoulder to shoulder, and taking on life’s challenges as an unbreakable team. It’s that feeling of having a partner who has your back no matter what. A love that’s built on trust, understanding, and unity.

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I chose this writing prompt because music has always been a powerful way for me to express my emotions and desires. It’s like the lyrics and melodies have this uncanny ability to tap into the depths of my soul and bring my vision to life. I believe that songs can be like windows into the heart, reflecting our deepest longings and hopes.

The songs I listed doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of my love song playlist. But these songs in particular resonate with my vision of a relationship because they embody the raw emotions, the triumphs, and the complexities that come with love. They remind me that love is not always smooth sailing, but it’s the willingness to face the ups and downs together that truly defines a relationship. These songs capture the essence of the love I desire—a love that is passionate, enduring, and rooted in unwavering support. They are the soundtrack to my hopes and dreams, and they inspire me to keep believing in the power of love, even in the face of adversity.

The titles link to lyric videos on YouTube in case you want to take a listen.

Posted in Blog

q2Inkrement #20 – Healing Through Words: Confronting Resentment Head-On

Posted on by T.L. Minor

Writing Prompt: Write a letter to the person or situation that has caused you resentment. Express your feelings honestly and openly, releasing any pent-up emotions.
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To Franchesca “Frankie” K. Waldron,

I know that this letter will never find you. Nonetheless, there are emotions boiling within me that can’t be buried anymore, and this letter serves as my release for them. It’s been three months since the truth finally surfaced, since the veil of deception was lifted. Yet, the wound remains fresh, festering within me. It’s time to start acknowledging this pent-up feeling and let you know the impact you’ve had on my life.

You were my best friend, or at least that’s what I stupidly believed. We were confidants. Partners in crime. We shared secrets, dreams, and aspirations. I trusted you implicitly with my insecurities, my vulnerabilities, and even my heart. I blindly believed that our bond was unbreakable. But then, you shattered that trust into a million irreparable pieces. How could you take such a treasured connection and defile it with deceit? How could you do this to me? How could you betray the sanctity of our sisterhood? I loved you. I adored you. I would’ve gone through the seven levels of hell and back for you. I would have NEVER done this to you! NEVER!

Discovering that you had a one-night stand with my ex-fiancé, of all people, was like a devastating earthquake shaking the foundation of my entire existence. You knew the weight of this secret, and yet you chose to hide it for FOUR fucking years, allowing me to continue building a life with someone who had already tainted our bond. The fact that you concealed something of this magnitude for years, watching me bask in ignorance and make life-altering decisions based on this lie, is something I will NEVER understand or forgive. And the only reason you admitted to it is because I found out and called you out on it. Otherwise, you’d still be smiling in my face and lying through your teeth to this very moment. That is unacceptable and unforgivable. I cannot fathom the reasons behind your decision to keep this from me, as it gnawed at the very foundations of our friendship. The overwhelming pain of this betrayal left me questioning everything I thought I knew about you, myself, and my life.

But what hurt the most, my former friend, was not just the act itself, but the aftermath. Initially, you were remorseful and apologetic. But after being called out about more lies that I discovered from the both of you, that’s when you flipped the script. Suddenly, you were the wronged person in the situation. When confronted with the truth, you deflected blame onto everyone else, even me. The audacity to victimize yourself in this debacle, as if you were just an innocent bystander. Gaslighting me, making me question my own sanity and perception, driving me into a state of depression that I never thought possible. I was left bewildered and suicidal, lost in a maze of your callousness and deceit.

You dredged up irrelevant past situations, attempting to point the finger away from your own actions. You decided to choose that particular moment to suddenly address grievances from years ago that you never uttered a word about before. But two wrongs don’t make a right. Trying to shift the blame was a pathetic excuse to escape accountability. You can continue to justify, rationalize, and minimize your role however you want if that’s what helps you sleep at night. Whether you ever admit it or not, you are just as guilty and foul for what you did. Arguments can be made that your part in the transgression was worse because it violated the Girl Code on every level imaginable. Relationships come and go. But a real friend would have never done this. And in case you’re wondering if I’m also blaming him for what happened, the answer is yes. I made sure people knew exactly what the two of you did behind my back. He’s lost friendships, trust, and respect from many people as the result of it. You knew the same would happen with you, which is why you cut yourself off from everybody in our circle after being confronted.

Your condescending apology was like rubbing salt in a fresh wound. “I’m sorry you’re going through this.” I can’t believe you had the nerve to say that to me, bitch. The unmitigated gall to acknowledge my pain while sidestepping your own responsibility in causing it. Claiming that you love me and that you’ll be there to support me through this, as if you weren’t 50% of the problem. As if it wasn’t your actions that shattered the foundation of trust that held us together. It was a bold, outrageous, and disgusting insult to the pain you’d already caused. Your words cut deep, confirming that the friend I once loved had now become a stranger.

But I want you to know, despite the seething anger that courses through my veins, I refuse to let it consume me indefinitely. This resentment, like a caged beast, will eventually be released. I won’t allow it to define me or dictate my future happiness. It won’t happen overnight. I can’t tell you exactly when the burdens of these emotions will finally dissipate. But I can assure you, my former friend, that I will rise above this pain and find the strength to let go.

This letter is not a plea for more of your fake sympathy or an invitation for further discussion. I know that you don’t give a damn about me or the havoc you wreaked. You’ve proven yourself to be a trifling, backstabbing sociopath and any attempts to get you to understand the damage that has been done would be a waste of energy. I’m writing this to simply validate my pain, communicate my emotions truthfully and candidly, and begin the process of reclaiming my peace. In time, I will heal. In time, I will rebuild my life, my trust, and my happiness.

With a heavy heart, I bid you farewell. As insane as this will sound, I really did want to find some way to put this behind us and continue our friendship, but that was just me being in denial about the damage that’s been done. I tried desperately to accept your version of what happened because I couldn’t imagine life without you, but that only made me spiral out of control with depression and rage. Real friends just don’t do this shit to each other. I didn’t deserve this. You can claim that I’m not perfect and I’m not as innocent as I claim to be. You can throw my mistakes and choices in my face if that makes you feel better. But no matter how you try to twist this, none of that justifies keeping this monumental secret while you spent nights in my home and bummed money off of me. None of that excuses the choice you made every single day to smile in my face while hiding the knife behind your back. It doesn’t change the fact that you should have told me the goddamn truth. That’s the most fucked up part of this situation. That’s the part that enrages me the most. That’s the part that makes it impossible to ever reconcile with you. I have no interest in repairing a bond that I didn’t destroy. It’s a disgrace and a shame that I called you my best friend, but you were never a friend of mine.

While our paths may never cross again, I hope that you find the strength to confront the demons within you. To find the decency to face the consequences of your actions and grow from them. I wish you the clarity to understand the pain you’ve caused, not just to me, but to yourself as well.

Goodbye, Franchesca K. Waldron. May life teach you the lessons you so desperately need to learn.

Sincerely,

Your former friend

P.S.,

You kept saying it was okay if I wanted to curse you out and call you names. Since I was too consumed by depression and denial to do it before…I hope you rot in hell, you selfish, conniving, worthless bitch. You’re a disgusting excuse of a human being. If I never see you again in my life, it would be too fucking soon. How does that old saying go? “With friends like these, who needs enemies?” Well, that was a lesson learned the hard way after dealing with you. The blinders are off and I see you now for the despicable and vapid snake you truly are. If you really didn’t want the sex to happen, then why the hell did you open your legs for him, you stupid skank? Befriending you was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. The fact that I ever loved and cared for you makes me sick to my stomach. You didn’t deserve my goodness. You didn’t deserve my kindness or affection. You are unforgivable and unredeemable. I hope all this bullshit was worth it. I hate you. You’re dead to me.
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I chose this writing prompt because it resonates deeply with my current struggles and emotions. The journey of healing is not as straightforward as we’d like it to be. Today just happened to be one of those challenging days where anger and resentment consumed me. This prompt provided a healthy outlet for me to confront and acknowledge my feelings, allowing me to address the person who has been the source of my anger. It provided me with a cathartic release, giving me an opportunity to express my emotions in a constructive manner. It helped me take a step towards self-reflection and grant myself the space to confront and process my feelings honestly. Do I feel better? Momentarily, yes. Will it this be the last time I address this particular issue? More than likely, no. But all I can do is grant myself some grace and take this healing journey one day at a time.

Posted in Blog, Reflections, Writing Prompts

Inkrement #19 – Reflections on Acts of Self-Care

Posted on by T.L. Minor

Writing Prompt: Write a reflection on acts of self-care and self-compassion that contribute to your self-worth. Explore how engaging in these acts enhances your capacity for healthy relationships.
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It’s funny how life works sometimes. You spend so much time worrying about other people’s needs, their happiness, and their well-being, that you forget to take care of yourself. I was always taught the importance of teamwork, of sacrificing for the greater good of the team or for family. But somewhere along the way, I forgot that I am part of that team too, and I need to take care of myself in order to be the best version of me. That’s when acts of self-care and self-compassion entered my life, becoming essential ingredients that contribute to my self-worth.

For the longest time, I thought that self-care was just about bubble baths, wine and swedish massages, things that seemed extravagant and indulgent. But I’ve come to realize that self-care is so much more than that. It’s about taking the time to check in with myself, to listen to my body and my mind, and to give them what they need to thrive. It’s about understanding that my needs and desires are just as important as anyone else’s.

One of the acts of self-care that has become an important part of my routine is daily meditation. It’s a fairly simple practice. Just sitting in silence, focusing on my breathing, and allowing myself to be fully present in the moment. It’s during these moments of stillness that I connect with my inner self, gaining clarity and perspective on my life. Meditation has taught me the power of self-awareness, of being in tune with my emotions and thoughts. By understanding myself better, I can go into the world with greater compassion and empathy, both towards myself and others.

One of the most transformative acts of self-care I have started practicing again is writing. Putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), allowing the words to flow freely, is like embarking on a journey of self-discovery. It is a cathartic release, a sacred conversation with my own soul. Through writing, I have been learning to give a voice to my thoughts and emotions, to make sense of the chaos within. This act of self-expression allows me to acknowledge and validate my own experiences, fostering a sense of self-worth that is independent of external validation.

An important step I have taken to become more self-compassionate and foster healthier relationships is establishing boundaries. It took me a while to realize that it’s okay to say no, to prioritize my own needs and well-being. I still struggle with being a people pleaser, always putting others before myself, afraid of disappointing or letting them down. But I know that in doing so, I neglect my own boundaries and sacrificing my own happiness. Learning to set boundaries has been a transformative act of self-compassion. It’s about recognizing my limits, honoring my values, and communicating my needs assertively and respectfully. By being firm with my limits, I am true to myself in the relationships I’m in, promoting mutual respect and healthier connections.

Engaging in acts of self-care and self-compassion is not only contributing to my self-worth but has also had a major impact on my relationships. When I take care of myself, when I prioritize my own well-being, I am able to show up as a more present and wholehearted friend and family member. I have more energy, more love to give, and a greater capacity to support and uplift those around me. Now, don’t get me wrong. Of course, this isn’t a cure-all for all the challenges we face in relationships. They won’t make all of your troubles disappear or guarantee a perfect life. However, what they can offer is a strong base that you can use to strengthen and care for your relationships.

These acts not only enhance my capacity for healthy relationships but also allow me to navigate life with a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment. As I continue to cultivate self-care and self-compassion, I am reminded that taking care of myself is not a selfish act but a necessary one. It is the foundation upon which I build my relationships, my dreams, and my life. As I reflect on my own journey, I realize that I’m still a work in progress. There are days when I falter, when I forget to put myself first or when I neglect my own boundaries. But I’ve come to understand that self-care is a lifelong practice, a continuous journey of self-discovery and growth. And with each step I take, I become more attuned to my own needs and more capable of fostering the kind of relationships that bring joy, love, and fulfillment into my life.
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I chose this writing prompt because it really hits home for me. As someone who has struggled with self-worth and maintaining healthy relationships in the past, I’ve come to understand the importance of self-care and self-compassion. It’s something that my therapist drills into my head after every session. It’s something that I’m actively working on in my own life, and I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the impact it has had on me.

Posted in Blog, Mental Health, Personal, Reflections, Therapy

Inkrement #18: Honesty vs. Transparency

Posted on by T.L. Minor

As I sat in my therapist’s cozy office, she asked a question that left me momentarily perplexed: “Do you want honesty or do you want transparency?” Having recently ended a long-term relationship, I had confidently asserted that honesty was at the top of my list of qualities I sought in a future partner. But in that moment, I realized that there might be more to it than I initially thought. Inspired by the guidance of my therapist, I embarked on a journey to understand the subtle yet significant differences between honesty and transparency.

Unveiling the Distinction:

To me, honesty and transparency always went hand in hand. What could be the difference between them when both had the same underlying principle of truth-telling? My therapist, with her characteristic wisdom, gently explained that while they indeed share common ground, they have distinct levels of truthfulness.

Honesty, as I learned, encompasses being truthful and straightforward when asked. It involves not intentionally deceiving or misleading others. When we demand honesty in a relationship, we expect our partner to speak the truth when confronted with a question or a situation. It means expressing our true feelings and thoughts without fabricating or sugarcoating them.

On the other hand, transparency goes beyond simply answering a question truthfully. It involves willingly offering relevant information without being prompted. Transparency requires laying one’s cards on the table, allowing our partner to make informed decisions based on the full picture. It’s about open communication, sharing intentions, and freely providing context.

The Playing Cards Analogy:

To illustrate the difference, my therapist used a clever analogy involving playing cards. She held a handful of cards, and when asked if she had the Queen of Hearts, she honestly admitted to having it, revealing the card as evidence. However, she emphasized that this information was only disclosed after being questioned.

In contrast, she explained that transparency is like laying all the cards on the table without prompt. She openly announced, “Hey, I have the Queen of Hearts, Ace of Spades, and 10 of Diamonds. You can decide how you want to move next.” By offering this information voluntarily, she allowed her partner to have a more thorough understanding of the situation and make decisions accordingly.

Building Trust and Understanding:

Understanding the subtle yet crucial distinction between honesty and transparency has truly blown my mind and transformed my perspective on relationships. I now realize that while honesty forms the foundation of trust, transparency strengthens and deepens it. Both qualities are vital in cultivating strong and healthy connections.

Honesty breeds trust by ensuring that our words align with our actions. It reassures our partner that they can rely on us to be truthful, even in difficult predicaments. However, it is transparency that provides the context and information necessary for our partner to truly understand us. It helps us avoid misunderstandings, enables empathy, and allows for better decision-making in the long run.

Striking the Balance:

I’ve learned that striking a balance between honesty and transparency is essential to building genuine, fulfilling relationships. Honesty sets the groundwork for trust, but transparency takes it a step further by promoting open and honest communication. By embracing transparency, we create an environment where vulnerability and understanding can flourish. We enable our partners to see us authentically, free from hidden agendas or undisclosed information. This creates an environment of mutual respect and sincerity, strengthening the emotional bond between two people.

My therapist’s insightful question unearthed a world of nuance that never dawned on me before. Honesty and transparency may seem interchangeable at first glance, but their distinction is vital in building healthy relationships. Honesty establishes trust, while transparency deepens understanding. Together, they provide a solid base for lasting connections.

I’ll carry my newfound understanding in my heart as I continue to move forward. Honesty and transparency are vital for my partner and I to build trust, understanding, and open communication on our journey together. In the words of Michelle Obama, “Whether you come from a council estate or a country estate, your success will be determined by your own confidence and fortitude.” May we all find the courage to pursue honesty and transparency, and may it lead us to the profound connections we deserve.

Posted in Blog, Personal, Reflections, Writing, Writing Prompts

Inkrement #17: Lessons Learned from Ignoring Red Flags

Posted on by T.L. Minor

Writing Prompt: Reflect on a past relationship where you ignored your intuition and the consequences that followed. Write a personal essay discussing what you learned from this experience and how it has influenced your trust in your intuition.
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Intuition knows when something is wrong. It’s our internal compass guiding us through life’s twists and turns. But what happens when we choose to ignore it? My world was already crumbling, and I couldn’t wrap my head around dealing with another crushing blow. By burying my doubts, I unknowingly set myself up for even greater devastation. In this personal essay, I want to share my experience of staying in a relationship, although I knew deep down I should’ve ended it.

I remember the moment I discovered my partner’s infidelity. It was days before my mother’s passing and my aunt’s death, three days after her funeral. During that time, I found myself torn between emotions I couldn’t fully process. My focus shifted to grieving for my loved ones, and my partner’s betrayal took a backseat in my overwhelmed mind. The world became a blur of funeral arrangements, tears, and unanswered questions. I knew the situation was fucked up, but I didn’t want to face the reality.

Grief messes with our heads, you know? It makes us do things we’ll kick ourselves for later. Amid my life falling apart, I brushed off those little gut feelings nudging me. I was like, “No way, I can’t handle any more shit right now.” I figured I’d tackle the relationship mess once the grief storm blew over. But little did I know, my intuition was getting restless, craving my attention. I stumbled through each day, time turning into a blur of chaos. Sure, my partner felt horrible and tried to make things right, but that nagging feeling in my gut just wouldn’t quit. We had agreed to start fresh and with no more solid evidence, I was stuck in a constant state of uncertainty, unable to trust his words.

Red flags, like seeds planted in the soil of our intuition, sprout into undeniable truths. They poke through the surface, demanding our attention, but we often brush them aside in favor of our comfort zone. I found myself trapped in a cycle of ignoring the warning signs that continued to present themselves. The red flags kept waving, but he skillfully sidestepped them, weaving a web of deception with his words. Finances can be a powerful force, shaping our decisions and trapping us in situations we want desperately to escape. With the cost of living skyrocketing, the thought of leaving the relationship became an unattainable joke. My job didn’t pay enough to live on my own. I didn’t have my parents’ home for refuge. My friends had their own lives and struggles to battle, so I didn’t want to be a burden to them or anyone else. I believed that staying was my only option. So I bit my tongue and tolerated the bullshit as I applied for hundreds of better-paying jobs. But as the years passed, the emotional toll grew heavier, and I withdrew into myself. My silence became a self-imposed prison. The weight of how I should’ve handled the situation trapped me. It clouded my view of a better future. Concealing my misery was a daily battle for normalcy.

You know how life works, right? Truth appears humorously at the right moment. Earlier this year, I had that moment. My partner and best friend kept an enormous secret from me. They had a one-night stand. Talk about a betrayal that cuts deep. It felt like someone took a butcher’s knife and stabbed it right into my heart, opening up all those old wounds and making me regret everything. My intuition had been screaming at me to wake up and smell the coffee, but I had let my fears, regrets, and financial situation blind me. Ignoring my gut had cost me years of happiness, authenticity, and self-respect.

After the whole truth came crashing down on me, I needed to find some sort of comfort. So, I turned to therapy and creative writing prompts for solace. It was during those moments of deep thought and self-reflection that I had a revelation. My gut feeling, my intuition, it was never wrong. The problem was me — I ignored it and refused to take action, and that’s what led me straight into a world of heartache and regret. If only I had trusted my instincts from the very beginning, I could have spared myself years of pain. But hey, no use crying over spilled milk, right? Instead, I’m making it my mission to focus on the most valuable lesson I’ve learned: listen to my intuition the very first time it whispers a warning. I’m embracing that little voice inside me and learning to heed its advice, even when it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient. Trusting my intuition has become an essential part of taking care of myself and growing as a person. It’s non-negotiable now.

As I reflect on the last three months since shit hit the fan, I acknowledge the pain and regret that accompany the choice to ignore my intuition. Life’s journey teaches us many lessons. Some learned through triumph. Others through regret. Not acting on my instincts in my last relationship tested my resilience and self-worth, but it also taught me the importance of self-trust.

While I can’t change the past, I can shape my future by embracing my intuition as a guiding force from here on out. I share my story, hoping others may find peace and inspiration in their own struggles. Please trust yourself and honor your inner voice. It knows what is best for you, even when things seem impossible. Follow your heart and learn from your experiences.

I chose this prompt because it hits close to home. We all have that little voice inside us, that gut feeling telling us when something isn’t quite right. And let me tell you, I ignored that voice in a last relationship, and Lord, did it come back to bite me. So, when I saw this prompt, it immediately resonated with me. Since I’m in a significantly better headspace right now, I wanted to write a personal essay about this experience. It’s embarrassing that I put myself in this predicament, but it is my life and I have to own up to it. Not only to hold myself accountable, but also to share what I’ve learned with others. Trusting our intuition is no joke, and I wanted to dive deep into how ignoring it affected me and how it’s permanently changed my perspective on listening to that inner voice.

Posted in Blog, Mental Health, Personal, Reflections, Writing

Inkrement #16 – Simply the Best

Posted on by T.L. Minor

The recent news of the passing of the legendary Rock & Roll icon, Tina Turner, at the age of 83 has deeply impacted music lovers across the world. As someone who has been influenced by her incredible talent and resilience throughout my life, I felt compelled to reflect on her remarkable journey. From the haunting melody of “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” that played in the background of my childhood to the powerful anthem “I Don’t Wanna Fight” that still resonates with me today, Tina Turner’s music has always been a constant presence.

Tina Turner was more than just an iconic singer and performer; she was a force to be reckoned with. Her ability to turn personal pain into something transcendent showcased her resilience and indomitable spirit. Despite enduring unspeakable challenges throughout her life, she refused to let her pain define her. Instead, she harnessed her anguish as a catalyst for personal transformation, inspiring millions around the world.

Tina Turner’s early memories of picking cotton as a child, coupled with feelings of abandonment and being unloved by her parents, painted a difficult picture of her formative years. Surviving a volatile and abusive relationship added to her burdens. Yet, throughout it all, Tina Turner’s resilience and determination to overcome prevailed. Her journey from these painful beginnings to becoming a middle-aged black woman who made her mark as the Queen of Rock & Roll is a testament to the human spirit’s capacity to rise above adversity.

One of the most inspiring aspects of Tina’s story for me is the love and fulfillment she found later in life. After facing numerous challenges and triumphing over personal struggles, she discovered peace and genuine love with someone who adored her unconditionally. This profound love story brought immeasurable joy and contentment to her life, proving that true greatness and contentment can be achieved at any stage. Tina Turner’s experience challenges the belief that success and happiness must be attained within certain age limits or predetermined timelines. Her story encourages us to embrace the unexpected turns and twists that life presents. It’s okay if we haven’t achieved our dreams or found our purpose by a certain age. The path to self-discovery and fulfillment can be nonlinear, and each stage of life offers unique opportunities for growth and transformation. Tina’s life exemplifies the importance of perseverance, resilience, and remaining open to new possibilities.

Tina’s ability to turn her pain into something magical and beautiful continues to inspire many, including myself. It’s with this inspiration in mind that I started this blog. In time, I want to be able to provide solace, tools, and hope to those facing trauma. Tina’s legacy serves as a reminder of the need for diverse voices and stories of triumph over hardship. Together, we can build a resilient community founded on mutual support, where people can find strength and renewed hope as they navigate their own transformative journeys.

The world has lost an icon in Tina Turner, but her legacy will forever resonate through her music, her story, and the transformative power of her journey. As we remember her, let us carry her spirit of resilience, transformation, and unwavering pursuit of happiness with us. By embracing our own pain and using it as a catalyst for personal growth, we too can turn our lives into something magical and beautiful.

Rest in Power, Queen ❤

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Mental Health, Reflections, Writing, Writing Prompts

Inkrement #15 – Unplugging for Mental Wellness: My Digital Detox Journey to Self-Compassion

Posted on by T.L. Minor

Writing prompt: Describe a self-care ritual that helps you combat self-criticism and fosters self-compassion. Write a step-by-step guide on how to engage in this ritual, highlighting its benefits for emotional well-being.
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Today, I want to share a self-care ritual that helps me out when I feel my inner-critic starting to get the best of me. Picture this: a break from Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, and all other social media. An opportunity to rediscover yourself, and an opportunity to prioritize your mental well-being. For this entry, I’ll let you know the steps of my own digital detox journey, sharing the tips and lessons I learned along the way.

Step 1: Understand the Benefits of a Digital Detox

First things first, let’s clarify what a digital detox is all about. It’s a conscious decision to disconnect from the digital realm, particularly social media platforms, for a specified period. It’s a chance to step away from the constant comparison, pressure, and noise of the online world. But why is it needed for our mental health? Constant exposure to social media can trigger self-criticism, feelings of inadequacy, and a distorted sense of reality. Stepping away allows us to take back our time, regain a sense of balance, and care for ourselves.

Step 2: Acknowledge the Need for Change

For me, the journey started with admitting the toll social media was taking on my mental health. I noticed the inner-critic growing louder, comparing my life to picture-perfect posts of my friends, wondering where I went wrong in my life, and questioning my own worth. It was time for change—a time to prioritize my well-being, to listen to my intuition, and to find a healthier way to engage with the digital world.

Step 3: Set Clear Intentions

Before hastily deactivating all your accounts, take a moment to set clear intentions. Reflect on what you hope to gain from this experience. Is it a desire to cultivate self-compassion, regain a lease on life, or reconnect with your hobbies? Set your goals and keep them in mind as you get started.

Step 4: Decide Your Detox Timeframe

Figure out how long you want to step away from social media. It could be a few days, a week, or even longer. Trust your instincts and choose a timeframe that feels right for you. Keep in mind that this is your path, and there is no need to follow strict guidelines. Give yourself the liberty to experiment and figure out what works best for you.

Step 5: Communicate Your Detox

Let your loved ones and close friends know about your digital detox plans. Communicate your intentions, explain the purpose behind it, and ask for their support. Letting them know will reduce any feelings of guilt or FOMO (fear of missing out) and immerse yourself without distractions.

Step 6: Prepare for Temptations

Prepare yourself for potential temptations during your digital detox. Delete social media apps from your phone or mute notifications. Create a physical barrier between yourself and your devices, like keeping them in a different room or using a designated drawer. Creating boundaries will help you resist mindlessly scrolling and keep your detox on track.

Step 7: Explore Life Outside of the Screen

Step away from the screen and enjoy real-world experiences.. Reconnect with hobbies that ignite your passion and joy. Rediscover activities you’ve neglected or explore new ones that pique your interest. Dive into books, create art, practice mindfulness, engage in nature, cook new recipes, or go on a physical adventure. The options are endless! Allow yourself to be fully present in these real life moments. Enjoy connecting with yourself and the world.

Step 8: Practice Mindful Awareness

During your digital detox, take time to practice mindfulness. Tune into your thoughts and emotions, observing them without judgment. Notice the moments when self-criticism arises and shift your focus to self-compassion. Try different techniques like deep breathing exercises, meditation, or journaling to nurture that feeling of serenity and contemplation.

Step 9: Cultivate Self-Compassion

As you detach from the digital world, take this opportunity to practice being kinder to yourself. Embrace the imperfections and celebrate your unique journey. Challenge your inner-critic with kind and encouraging pep-talks. Remind yourself that your worth extends far beyond the curated world of social media. Embrace self-acceptance, celebrate your accomplishments (big and small), and foster a loving relationship with yourself.

Step 10: Reflect and Integrate

When your digital detox comes to an end, take time to reflect on the experience. Journal about the insights, emotions, and any transformations you’ve encountered along the way. Celebrate your growth and self-love. Acknowledge the lessons learned and consider how you can integrate the positive aspects of your detox into your everyday life moving forward.

By consciously unplugging from the digital world, you can take a significant step toward combating self-criticism and nurturing self-compassion. Through this particular self-care ritual, I learned the importance of signing off to reconnect with myself, finding joy in offline hobbies, and being present in the moment. This is something I try to do at least one weekend a month. Setting boundaries, taking care of ourselves and staying mindful can truly make a difference in one’s mental well-being and to foster self-compassion.
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I chose this prompt for several reasons. My therapist has been drilling in my head that I need to practice more self-care and give myself more grace when it comes to life events. This prompt encouraged me to ritualize a way to take care of myself and my overthinking tendencies. Writing out all the steps encouraged my self-awareness and mindfulness. Explaining the “how” and “why” of taking social media breaks helped me comprehend their long-term benefits. I also hope that this gives someone an idea for how they can handle things when the self doubts and criticism start becoming too much.

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal

Inkrement #14

Posted on by T.L. Minor

Dealing with the Emotional Aftermath of Betrayal

I never thought I would find myself in this situation. The shock of discovering that someone I deeply trusted and cared about wasn’t the person I thought they were has left me reeling. The pain and confusion I’m experiencing are indescribable. The feelings of hurt, betrayal, and rage are all-consuming, and I know that I have a long road ahead of me to heal and move forward. One of these days, I’ll tell the full story. But for now, I want to talk about how I’m dealing with the emotional aftermath.

The moment I uncovered the truth, a whirlwind of emotions consumed me. Anger. Heartbreak. Disbelief. Initially, I questioned my own judgment and blamed myself for not seeing the signs. It’s crucial to acknowledge and validate these emotions. As much as it sucks and no matter how much I want to bury them, I am giving myself permission to cry, scream, and feel the full weight of what I’m going through. It’s all part of the healing process. My therapist keeps reminding me to give myself grace and that it is okay to express these very valid feelings. Trying to deny and ignore them will only make me feel shittier and prolong my healing journey.

Creating a healing and supportive environment has for myself has also been vital for my journey. I’ve found solace in a quiet corner of my home, surrounded by things that bring me comfort. Lo-fi music playing in the background and the smell of lavender from my diffusers have helped create a soothing atmosphere. Taking deep breaths and practicing mindfulness have also allowed me to find moments of peace among the chaos.

Creative writing became my refuge—an avenue for expressing the inexpressible and exploring the depths of my emotions. Here are a couple of writing prompts that helped me navigate my healing journey:

  1. Creating a fictional story or poem that symbolizes the process of letting go and finding inner peace. Metaphor and imagery have allowed me to delve deeper into my emotions and explore the healing journey in a profound way.
  2. Describing a metaphorical journey where I release the weight of betrayal and rediscover my own strength. Through this exercise, I visualize myself moving forward, growing, and finding empowerment.

As I revisited my writings, I started to notice a pattern. Themes of resilience, personal growth, and a spirit that refuses to give into despair. It became clear that despite the pain, I had the power to define my own narrative and reclaim my sense of self. Writing provided a space for reflection and self-exploration, allowing me to make sense of the chaos and find glimmers of hope.

As I navigate this healing journey, I realized several strategies that have empowered me:

  1. Practicing self-care and self-compassion: I’m learning to be gentle with myself, honoring my needs, and prioritizing self-care. This includes making time for activities that bring me joy, seeking support from loved ones, and being patient with my healing process.
  2. Setting boundaries: Establishing healthy boundaries has been crucial for protecting my emotional well-being. This means eliminating contact with the person who betrayed me and creating space for my own healing.
  3. Seeking support: I’ve realized the importance of seeking support from trusted friends and professionals. Sharing my pain and experiences with empathetic listeners has provided validation and a sense of solidarity.
  4. Embracing personal growth: This experience has become an opportunity for personal growth. I’m reflecting on the lessons learned and using them to cultivate greater resilience, self-awareness, and compassion for myself and others.

Despite the shock of the betrayal, it is not the end of my story. With writing as my outlet, some thoughtful introspection, and self-care, I’m gradually regaining my power and accepting the healing process as part of my journey forward. There are going to be highs and lows. Good days and bad days. But I’m determined to find happiness and fulfillment. My progress on the road to healing continues.

Posted in Blog, Reflections, Therapy

Inkrement #13

Posted on by T.L. Minor

How therapy is helping me to practice self-compassion

I’ve always been a hard-on-myself kind of person. I’m my own worst critic, and I’m always striving to be better, do better, and be more. This can be a good thing or a very a bad thing. On the one hand, it motivates me to achieve my goals. On the other, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and perfectionism.

I started therapy a few years ago and went through it for about a year. Then again, when I found a new therapist two months ago. It’s been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. My therapist is helping me to find the root of my self-critical tendencies, and she’s teaching me how to practice self-compassion.

Self-compassion is the ability to be kind and understanding towards ourselves, even and especially when we make mistakes. It’s about accepting ourselves for who we are. It’s about offering ourselves the same grace and understanding that we would offer a friend.

This has honestly been a game-changer for me. It’s helping me get a handle on my anxiety and depression, and it’s gradually helping me to improve my self-esteem. I’m working on being more patient with myself and not to beat myself up when I make mistakes.

If you struggle with self-criticism, I encourage you to consider therapy. It can be a powerful tool for healing and transformation.

Here are some of the things I’m learning about self-compassion in therapy:

  • Being self-compassionate does not equate to being selfish or self-indulgent; it simply means giving ourselves the same kindness and understanding we would show a friend.
  • Self-compassion isn’t about turning a blind eye to our pain or trying to bury our suffering. It’s about accepting it, embracing it, and providing ourselves with the solace and comfort we need.
  • Self-compassion is not about being perfect. It’s about accepting ourselves for who we are, flaws and all.

Here are some tips for practicing self-compassion. I know that I struggle with these and it’s easier said than done, but making the attempt is what counts:

  • Be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend.
  • Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Don’t dwell on them. Learn from them and move on.
  • Be patient with yourself. Change takes time. Don’t expect to be perfect overnight.
  • Be grateful for yourself. Appreciate your strengths and accomplishments.
  • Take care of yourself. Eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly.

Practicing self-compassion is a journey, not a destination. It takes time and effort, but it’s worth it. When we show ourselves mercy, we are better able to cope with stress, anxiety, and depression. We are also more likely to be happy and fulfilled in our lives.

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Reflections, Writing Prompts

Inkrement #12

Posted on by T.L. Minor

Writing Prompt: Write a letter to your younger self, acknowledging the ways you were criticized and the impact it had on you.

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To my younger self,

I’m writing this letter to you today to acknowledge the criticism that you endured and the impact it had on you. I know that the most insults and judgments thrown at you came from our mother. She would always pick apart your clothing with claims that you looked like a slut, your hair with claims that it looked unkempt, your friends with claims that they’re worthless, and your hobbies with claims that they’re childish. She tore down anything that brought you an iota of joy. And I know that it’s taken a toll on your self-esteem. I know it made you unsure of what you were supposed to enjoy or do with your life.

But I want you to know that her words are not a reflection of who you are or your worth as a person. I want you to know that it’s not your fault. You are not responsible for our mother’s insecurities or her need to control you. You are your own person. You deserve to be happy and pursue the things that put a smile on your face. You are unique and special, and your individuality is what makes you stand out. Don’t let anyone dim your light or make you feel worthless. Not even your family. You are capable of achieving greatness and I can’t wait to see all that you’ll accomplish in the years to come.

I know that you’re struggling right now. Life seems hopeless and unfair. But believe me when I say that things will get better. You will find your place in the world, and you will find people who love and support you for who you are. It’s okay to make mistakes. They’re a natural part of life and they’re what help us grow and learn. Please don’t be so hard on yourself when things don’t go as planned. Those experiences can be opportunities to learn and improve.

It’s imperative to remember that you are not defined by anyone else’s opinions or expectations. You were not born to be your mother’s minion. You have the power to create your path and define your success. Pursue your passions, no matter how big or small they may seem. You’ll be amazed at the things you can achieve when you believe in yourself.

In the years to come, you’ll see that there is no specific way to live life. Everyone’s journey is different, and what works for someone else may not work for you. Embrace your journey and trust the process. Remember that life is a marathon, not a sprint, and it’s okay to take your time to figure out what you want.

Writing this letter to you has made me realize how far I’ve come. It’s a reminder that despite the hardships, I’ve been able to overcome and achieve great things. I’m proud of the person I’ve become, and I’m proud of the person you will become.

So, to my beautiful, quirky, amazing younger self, keep your head up and keep pushing forward. You are capable of great things. I love you and I believe in you.

Signed,

Your future self

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I chose this prompt because it allowed me to reflect on my childhood and acknowledge the impact it had on me as an adult. It also allowed me to give advice and encouragement to my younger self, to say things I wish I heard more of as a young girl. Writing this letter helped me recognize the progress I’ve made, celebrate how far I’ve come, and realize how much work I still have to do.