Sitting at my laptop to write this out, I feel a sense of vulnerability and fear. Sharing my personal story is not something that comes easily to me, but I know my journey may resonate with others who have experienced similar pain and trauma. I know that some of my relatives will not approve of me posting these entries and try to persuade me to delete this blog, claiming that it’s nobody’s business. But I have no shame in telling my story. My journey to heal from childhood and relationship trauma is new, but hope that my story can offer hope and encouragement to those who also struggle with similar issues while also showing that I’m not alone.
Growing up, I experienced verbal, emotional, and sometimes physical abuse from my mother. My father did his best to protect me, but his desire to keep the peace in the household outweighed my need to be spared from her toxicity. Words can hurt more than physical actions, and the constant belittling and criticism left deep wounds that still haven’t healed in my 30+ years of being on this earth. I learned to internalize the negative messages and believed that no matter what I did, it would never be good enough. This gradually led to a severe lack of self-esteem and confidence that followed me into adulthood.
I found myself in relationships/situation-ships that quickly turned emotionally abusive. The constant manipulation, gaslighting, and accusations of betrayal left me feeling helpless and alone. I felt trapped in a cycle of abuse, unable to break free from the toxic patterns that had taken hold.
It wasn’t until I recently hit rock bottom with depression that I knew I needed to make a change. I’ll talk about the catalyst for this in another entry. Earlier this month, I found an amazing therapist to begin the healing process. I’m only a few sessions in, but it’s already been a painful and emotional journey. However, with each session, I am being enlightened and understand the patterns of abuse and trauma that had affected me for so long.
I started journaling to express my emotions and work through the pain. I found solace in creative writing and discovered that I could turn my experiences into something beautiful. Crafting and DIY projects also became a way for me to express myself and find happiness in the little things.
Slowly but surely, I will rebuild my sense of self and rediscover my worth. I know this journey will not be easy and there will be setbacks. But over time, I will learn to recognize the signs of abuse and to set boundaries to protect myself from repeating these hurtful cycles. It will also help to be surrounded by friends and family who support me. And while the scars from my past will always be there, I have no desire to allow them to define and control me any longer.
Minor Inkrements 